


Not of Void, but of Chaos

by Alconis



Series: The Lucenarium [3]
Category: Destiny (Video Games)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Asher Mir is an asshole sometimes, But sometimes he's not, Destiny 2, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, If you're just here for the sex skip to chapter five, Men acting like asshats, Please Bungie let me kiss the grumpy space wizard, Plot but with porn, Romance, Slow Burn, Whump, long fic is long
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-16
Updated: 2018-09-07
Packaged: 2019-06-28 10:33:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 15,743
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15705465
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alconis/pseuds/Alconis
Summary: “Invention, it must be humbly admitted, does not consist in creating out of void but out of chaos.” ― Mary Wollstonecraft ShelleyAsher asking Vesper to assist in one of his experiments was a fairly regular occurrence. Failure was not unusual, but the degree of failure was sometimes measured differently, depending on your goal. An exploration of light, life, death, and resurrection, and what comes after.





	1. Chapter 1: Postmodern Promethus Remix

Vesper looked at the enormous column of swirling, violent energy and a chill ran down her spine. Even before Asher admitted his failure, she could have predicted the outcome. The light they created was not... right.

The Traveler’s light manifested in Vesper as electricity than any other element, but the experiment created light that buzzed in her nerves and skull like an oncoming storm. She ran through the falling orbs of light and felt the artificial rush they created, and they left her with a throbbing head and a bitter taste in her mouth.

Whether the energy was real or false, it still created real power that killed real enemies. Her heart raced as she dispatched the last of the Vex. As she stood on the empty battlefield, her hands shook as she loaded a clip of energy rounds into her auto rifle with a click.

Once at rest, she could hear Asher, Ikora, and her Ghost’s bickering in her audio feed. She tried to focus on the discussion -- _something about Ghaul, and the Traveler’s gifts_ \-- but nothing stuck.

If only she could concentrate, she’d tell them all to be quiet, as her head was killing her.

“Asher, Ikora…” Vesper interrupted, her voice soft. The discussion stopped. “Can we go over this a little later? I’ll write up a report on the on-site effects, and I can compare it with Asher’s off-site numbers.”

“Of course,” Asher's words were a sharp, quick staccato at her temples. “Though my predictions were flawed, you were a more-than-adequate assistant today, Vesper.” There was a lingering pause. “I know I do not say it often, but… Thank you,” he said finally. She smiled, letting his small amount of praise warm her. “Bring your on-site data to me; it will be essential to any additional tests.” He disconnected, leaving Vesper and Ikora alone on the channel together.

Ikora gave a long-suffering sigh. “In my continuing role as Asher’s unofficial translator, what he means to say is that you did wonderfully. ” Her tone of warmth was a stark contrast to Asher’s brusque attitude. “Thank you… for indulging him. The Traveler’s gifts have not left him yet, but as the days go on, I fear his connection grows tenuous.”

“In my experience, he wouldn’t tell you even if he had lost it completely,” piped up Kilo, Vesper’s Ghost.

The humor was not lost on Vesper, nor Ikora, who gave a warm and knowing chuckle before admonishing her. “Your unlikely friendship aside, don’t let your high regard of Asher cloud your judgement. He can be very… persistent with his pursuits. Keep an eye on him, will you? And let me know what you two find out.” With a click and a chirp of the comm, Vesper was alone with her Ghost in the clearing.

She swung her rifle over her shoulder and took a few steps. A wave of exhaustion and dizziness swept over her that staggered her for a moment. She saw black dots swim in front of her eyes, but the feeling passed in the space of a few breaths.

“Hey little guy,” she called, trying not to alarm her small companion. “Can you transmat my sparrow down here?”

The tiny robot swooped over with a chirp and beep, and her speeder shimmered into view. With a strange tightness growing in her chest, Vesper threw a leg over the chassis. Instead of setting off, she sat motionless in the clearing, hovering inches above the ground as she set her head down over her arms.

“Vesper?” Kilo spun over her head. “You ok?” He made a few nervous chirps as his shell floated into her vision.

“I’m fine. Just a headache.” Her head pressed further into her arms, trying to press away the discomfort.

The robot floated back and forth, twisting his shell reminiscent worried, wringing hands. “You know,” his tone soft, punctuated with a few buzzing chirps, “I didn’t think it would work… but… You can’t help hoping for a miracle.”

Vesper looked up at Kilo and then turned to gaze at a point in the distance. “ _I’m_ a little disappointed, but can you imagine the fit Asher’s having?” Her lips quirked upward in a half smile as she thought of Asher’s moody tantrums. “In a masochistic way, I’m sad to miss him throwing things. He really wanted this to succeed.”

Her Ghost’s orbital shutter clicked in surprise. He gave a chuckle before disappearing into her pocket space. _**If it were up to me,**_ he said in her mind, _**I would prefer to not be used as target practice.**_

At this, Vesper burst out laughing, the sound echoing against the walls of the deserted Cabal base.

Taking this as a cue to start moving, she pressed the accelerator on her speeder. In seconds, she was headed back to the Lost Oasis where she'd camped. She’d found a cave hidden in the cliffs there, away from enemies and friends alike, hoping for a chance at a moment’s rest. Now, she wanted to sleep for a million years.

Finding the entrance, she pulled off her helmet as she jumped off her speeder. A comforting and familiar metallic wind whipped through the grass, and she inhaled the smell of the ether that pooled in the hollows of the cave. She climbed the cliff and made her way into the cave, finding her messy pile of belongings at the top of a high outcropping. Grabbing a notebook, she curled up on a ledge and tried to account for all the physical and psychological effects of the artificial light. She wanted to be as thorough as possible, but words eluded her. Her mind seemed filled with cotton wool.

As the hours wore on, Vesper muddled through an _almost_ -incomprehensible mission report to Ikora. She hoped her mentor would understand why so many details were lacking. How could she even begin to describe her experience to someone who wasn’t there? She still felt intoxicated -- not the giddy rush of a night out, but the dark, nauseous feeling of being out of control. Darkness had rushed into the gaps as the synthetic light evaporated from her body in waves.

Vesper could hear Ikora’s voice chastising her, reminding her that meditation would clear and focus the mind. She set her notebook down and sat cross legged on the ledge, closing her eyes. She found a familiar and practiced stillness, trying to clear out the static that was filling up her mind.

Finding her center, she thought upon the potential consequences of Asher’s experiment, trying to see the good and the bad. Creating light from nothing, bestowing the gifts of a guardian to anyone deemed worthy… this seemed, at best, like a recipe for disaster.

Even the energy that the experiment had generated wasn’t real light. The electricity she called so easily to her fingertips had sparked in wild, explosive bursts. She made note that even hours afterward, her heart still raced.

Asher needed know that the synthetic light was likely too stimulating, regardless of success in a stable output…

“Kilo?” Vesper asked, with her eyes still closed. “Can you send a message to Asher that I’ll have some data ready for him tomorrow morning?”

“Sure, but I don’t know whether he’ll even care.” The Ghost made a harsh, irritated and digitized buzz. “He’s probably devising another terrifying experiment to torture you with. I mean, irradiating you and sending you into a vortex of light is bad enough. I have my doubts that he would even notice if you died, as long as he got his precious data.”

Vesper flinched at Kilo’s words and her small companion made a small beep of apology.

He flew over her head and hovered at her shoulder. “I see the way you look at him, and I don’t get it. He’s rude and sarcastic, consumed with his research, and he’s insulted us all in turn. In all the time you’ve spent with him, have you ever stopped to wonder if that man is more than your average mad scientist? Like today? Do you know what could have happened if he’d succeeded?”

Vesper remained quiet. She stood, preparing to jump down from her perch.

_Except…_

Like a light switch turning off, she fell unconscious. She pitched forward, tumbling down uncontrollably onto the cavern floor below.


	2. The dwarves built a gilded coffin...

It was a moment before Kilo realized what happened. Flying down from the ledge, he found his guardian’s unconscious body sprawled on the floor of the cave. 

Startled, the ghost spun into action, flooding Vesper’s body with healing light. He continued to hover as he waited for her to regain consciousness, plates twisting. 

Nothing happened, and Vesper remained still. 

When he pressed against her mind, Kilo could still detect her light, though weak. When he tried to press the Traveler’s light into her, the darkness only grew larger.

“Vesper?” Kilo nudged his guardian with his shell, hoping for a response. Instead, there was only the quiet echo of wind and distant gunfire from outside. 

As their connection grew more tenuous, Kilo began to panic. He began to broadcast a distress call, hoping whomever answered would be nearby.

In moments, there was a response, and the small Ghost was infinitely thankful that he recognized the voice on the other end. 

“Kilo?” Charlie’s voice was cheerful and friendly. It sounded the same as it had during countless missions with Vesper. “What’s wrong?” 

“Charlie!” His shell sagged in relief hearing the Titan’s answer, and started to babble. “Thank the Traveler you’re on Io. Vesper’s down. She’s not dead… I don’t need help reviving her, but, she fell, and now she's healed but she's not responsive, and I don’t know why. She was doing fine, and then she just… wasn’t.” 

The Ghost paused finally, pulling his shell plates in tight and small. He let out a soft, digitized cry. “Charlie, she won’t wake up.” 

“Kilo, slow down,” Charlie was confident and calm as he spoke, and Kilo stopped spinning. “I’m checking your position, and we’re close. It’s strange though… your comm signal isn’t coming from anywhere close to a darkness zone…”

“Bizarre, you mean,” piped up Tam, Charlie’s own ghost companion. “There’s plenty of light here, and I don’t see any unusual activity from either the Vex or the Taken. Though, there was a massive spike of energy a few hours ago. Felt almost like when the Traveler woke up, but in miniature.”

Kilo sighed, and his plates drooped. “That was us. Vesper was running an experiment for Asher.” 

“I see,” Tam said, disappointment in their voice. Charlie’s Ghost had taken Asher’s poor temperament toward Titans personally, after he’d insulted Charlie one too many times. “Here’s hoping Io’s mad scientist didn’t permanently break anything.” 

“You stay put,” Charlie said over the comm channel, as Kilo heard the sound of his speeder’s engine cycling up. “I’ll be right there.”

A moment later, the speeder was outside the cave. Kilo floated out and hovered near the entrance, waiting with nervous energy. He watched Charlie pull off the path and hop off his speeder, taking large strides toward the cave. 

Tam trailed at Charlie’s shoulder. When they saw Kilo, they answered the other Ghost’s nervous fidget with reassuring clicks and beeps. 

Entering the cave, the trio found Vesper’s motionless body on the ground. Kilo flew around her, scanning for any change, but her mind remained adrift. “It’s like she’s not there…” he sighed. 

“Poor Vesper. I don't think I've ever seen her down for this long.” Charlie said, kneeling down and pressing two thick, gloved fingers to Vesper’s exposed neck. Her pulse was steady, and her chest expanded with regular, even breaths. “Should we take her back to the tower like this?”

Tam flew over to their guardian, scanning Vesper and giving small, disapproving clicks. “I'm sure it's for the best. Ikora will want to know what’s happened, and I’m sure she’ll know what to do.” Tam turned their optic to focus on Kilo, shell plates twitching in a non-verbal communication with the other companion. 

“It’s Ikora you’re talking about — I'm sure She already knows,” Charlie said. He put his arms underneath Vesper and lifted her into his arms. As he did, the comm channel clicked on.

“You’ll do no such thing.” Asher’s voice crackled over the channel as he brought the small party to a startled halt. 

After a moment, the shock wore off, and Kilo began to twist and turn, beeping. “Why not?” He said, indignant and spinning in his shell as he addressed the conversational intruder. 

“Why not, indeed!” Asher grumbled, his words clipped and impatient. “Unfortunately, I am certain my earlier experiment has caused whatever condition Vesper is in. I endeavor to rectify that.” 

“More reason to take her back to the Tower,” said Tam, spinning, and matching Asher’s tone of impatience.

“The fools at the Tower would have no idea what course of action to take.” Asher’s voice sounded cool, but anxious. “I would prefer to have a chance to examine her before the ignoramus in the medical wing have their way with her.” 

Shifting Vesper in his arms with a grunt, Charlie stood, and the two robots hovered at his shoulder. The trio were silent for a moment, as they looked at each other questioningly. 

Finally, Charlie broke the silence. “I don’t know, Asher. The Vanguard should hear about this and Ikora’s sure to have some answers.” 

“I can’t imagine you would know, Titan,” Asher said, sharp words dripping with sarcasm. “Your participation in this exercise is neither desired nor necessary.” 

There was a short, angry silence, as Tam spluttered beside their guardian. 

After a moment, Asher’s voice came back, apologetic. “Kilo, I may already have the solution.” His voice held little of his typical disdain, sounding almost… gentle. “No guardian is ever fond of the method, but have you tried the thanatotic approach?”

“I beg your pardon?” Kilo said, as his optic plates blinked in shock. 

“I mean, plainly, whether you initiated a full resurrection.” They heard an exasperated sigh over the comm. “By the Traveler, you’d never know you were a warlock’s ghost with that vocabulary.” Asher’s voice seemed to have returned to its perpetual state of agitation. “As paracausal immortal entities, we've all done it countless times before.” A pause, “It’s like turning her off and on again.” 

“NO!” Kilo’s shell twisted as it flew backward, voice resonating with shock and fear. “I know what it means! I will NOT kill her on purpose without her permission.” The tiny companion shivered. “I won’t… not without her asking me first. She was so hard to find, and I promised myself I would never take that chance. And she’s not asked since the Red War.” 

That brought them all short. For a moment, the comm was quiet, Kilo’s words hanging heavy in the silence. 

Charlie stood back, shifting from one giant booted foot to the other as he waited with Vesper’s body cradled in his arms. He turned to look at Tam, his head cocked in an unspoken question of what to do next. 

The silence stretched out, pulling at their tempers. Finally, the tension snapped, and Kilo spun angrily next to Vesper’s slack neck. “Asher?” the tiny robot asked, spinning in frustration. “Asher, answer me!” He hovered back and forth, as if it could pace in the air, until they all heard a click of the comm again. “Asher, please tell me you have a better option than killing her!” 

“Bring her here,” Asher said finally, “And we can discuss it.” The comm went silent again with an audible click.


	3. Thanatosis (It's Just Like Turning Her Off and On Again)

The small party traipsed into Asher’s current refuge in the shadow of the Pyramidion. Kilo and Tam glared at Asher as flew past, and Asher stared irritably back in return.

Behind them, Charlie walked up the hill with Vesper in his arms, her body limp and unresponsive. As he carried her, he ignored the strange look he received from the old warlock at the door. Once inside, Charlie laid her down and stood back, unsnapping and removing his helmet and looking at the pair of ghosts. His eyes asked a silent question on what to do, but they only responded with silence. Tam and Kilo spun their shells with unanswered questions of their own. Charlie moved back into the corner of the room, trying to wrap his head around the whole situation. 

As they settled, Asher began to pace around the room, finally stopping to look at Vesper with a look of what one might describe as… guilt. 

“I have a theory, but I doubt any of you will find it satisfactory,” Asher began. He reached forward with his good hand to press the back against Vesper’s cheek, finding it cool. He lingered for a moment, then turned to look at Kilo. “I think you may already suspect the same as I do. Regardless of your misgivings, we only have the single solution. Given the unpleasant nature of what I hypothesize we must do, I would rather act now, lest the damage done become permanent.”

Tam looked at Kilo, plates spinning in an unspoken question. Vesper’s ghost answered with a sad spin and a forlorn series of tones. He sent a set of calculations to Asher’s terminal, which began to flash rapidly on the screen. Both ghosts began to analyze the data, and Tam made quiet beeps, questioning what the data meant. 

Kilo floated to a spot next to Asher and looked down toward Vesper. “Looking at the data I gathered while Vesper was channeling the counterfeit light, and…” 

He sighed and flew back toward the terminal, scanning again. “I think the experiment overrode her connection to the Traveler, and now, her mind only sees the one created earlier, which no longer exists.” 

“Inaccurate, but close,” Asher said, his voice gruff. He gestured at the screen. “If that were the case, I would never suggest Thanatosis. Let me see if I can explain so that even the most dense among us can understand.” 

At this, Tam flew toward Charlie, expressing their offense at the insult on Charlie’s behalf with a frustrated twitch. 

Asher ignored the ghost and plowed forward. 

“Suppose for a moment that the Traveler’s light is a current of electricity and Vesper is a power station, which can then conduct that electricity out. In this metaphor, she converts the Traveler’s light as a Stormcaller. The false light was responsible for creating a second current that traveled along the same circuit. This caused a disruption in the equilibrium of power supplied and power drawn. Rather than severing it, the energy overloaded the connection.” Asher ran his hand over his face, expression tired and anxious. “In brief, the overload frayed the power line.”

“Essentially tripping the circuit breaker,” Tam said, voice hard and angry. “Only you, Asher…” They flew over to Asher and spun in his face. “Only you could electrocute a Stormcaller.” 

Kilo was silent beside them, optics downcast. He flew over Asher’s shoulder to hover closer to Vesper and looked down at his guardian. “This is your fault.” His words were low and unfeeling, holding little sympathy for the old warlock above him. 

“I know.” Asher’s voice was tight and hollow. “And rest assured, I will be the one to do what must be done. My Ghost never had that chance.” He and Kilo shared a second of understanding. “I will not make you break your promise.” 

From his forgotten place in the corner, Charlie stalked forward and gripped Asher’s arm, shaking the older man. “You’re seriously considering this?” Charlie’s voice shook, understanding what Asher was implying and the anger and fear in his eyes was palpable. “There’s no guarantee she’ll come back this time! We’ve had too many guardians lost, and you want to snuff her out, like some Red Legion rhino?”

Asher spluttered, hackles raised like a cat. “Were you not listening, Chuckles? I am certain that this is the only option and my theory is sound!” 

Dripping with hostility, he squeezed Asher’s arm hard enough to bruise, not caring when Asher winced. Charlie carried on, ignoring Asher as his voice raised. “You arrogant, pig-headed, know-it-all! Every time you have some kind of theory, someone gets hurt... whether through your overestimation of your intelligence, or just plain negligence.” 

Asher started to color, blood rising to his face as his temper flared. At his side, the Vex hand twitched, and he curled it into his chest to keep from lashing out with it. “And what would you do instead? When punching something isn’t the answer, you crawl back to your Vanguard, who will inevitably suggest the same thing?”

Charlie’s eyes narrowed, his own face red and blotchy. He released Asher’s arm only to grab his collar, his voice low and angry. “You tell me, if you’re so smart… Do you even know how much she cares for you? I listen to her when we’re out as a fireteam. She goes on about how much she enjoys working with you, how smart you are, how she feels like she can be herself with you." Charlie's voice was snide as he tried to cut at Asher's exposed emotions. "But all I see is the way you treat her like your personal guinea pig. I think you’d hardly even know whether she lived or died, unless it disrupted the test results.” 

Asher pulled back from Charlie’s grip with a violent wrench, temper flaring with the icy heat of the void. “You think I don’t care?” His voice was harsh, stalking forward toward the Titan towering over him until they were nose to nose. “I care beyond measure, you useless, feckless Titan. Vesper helped me of her own accord knowing who and what I am. You and other guardians approach me with fear, or treat me as a nuisance. Or worst of all, an apostate, and you would be right! Only Vesper has listened to and trusted me nonetheless, Traveler only knows why. From the very beginning, she offered her own counsel and assistance on my affliction, not caring how dangerous it was. Who else would I ask, if I didn’t think she cared?” 

Charlie shoved at Asher, pushing him backwards. “She trusted you to take care enough, the danger didn’t matter. But you continue to throw her into the path of our enemies so you can devote your giant ego to solving your own selfish problems! The same way you did with your own fireteam!” 

There was a moment of silence, frightening in its brevity, before Asher cracked. “You think I do not know or understand my own regrettable circumstances?” Asher asked, words whispered in a shaking rage. He gestured at Charlie with the Vex hand as his voice rose in pitch and volume, causing the Titan to cringe as a claw-like finger swung dangerously close to his face. “Inevitably, I am _cursed_ by my own hubris to hurt those who care about my welfare. Now I must add Vesper to that unfortunate register. I came to Io to _avoid_ this kind of ridiculous familiarity. Yet, by all accounts, Vesper has become yet _another_ casualty in the long line of individuals about whom I _**CARE**_.” 

The last word was shouted loud enough to cause Charlie and the small companions floating at his shoulders to flinch. 

Their quick motion cut Asher’s anger like a string. A sense of profound regret settled heavy in the room, a ceasefire between Asher and Charlie unspoken, as the Titan retreated into the corner.

Asher sagged, catching and holding himself up by the edge of the table with his left hand. Beside him, Vesper remained undisturbed, unconscious to the conflict around her.

In the silence, Kilo flew forward to scan his guardian once more. His scans only confirmed Asher’s theory. He examined the invisible connection between the Traveler and Vesper, he found degradation. It was as if the line was frayed and split, but Kilo thanked his lucky stars that the connection was still there. He spun in his shell, and then scanned again to be sure. 

Tam floated nearby, and the two ghosts spun next to each other, silent for a moment. “I don’t like it,” Tam muttered, voice low. 

“If there was any other way, I would agree, but Asher’s right…” Kilo answered, voice soft. “I have to trust him. What other choice do we have?” 

“Remarkably, she also never speaks about me like I’m not present...” Asher muttered beside them, turning his back to them and toward his lab. “If you are going to dither about, could you do it outside? I would prefer to have this abhorrent task done as soon as possible, so that you can begin the necessary preparations for her resurrection.” He shifted the hand cannon he kept on his lab workbench, reminding Kilo of what he was about to do. 

The motion drove Charlie outside, grabbing his helmet before he stormed out the door. Tam followed, spinning and beeping, and Kilo watched them leave. Vesper's Ghost knew from his own experience that Charlie and Tam were having an unspoken discussion to which he would not be privy. 

Kilo remained, floating above Vesper, and looking at her unnaturally-still body before turning and looking at Asher. The warlock did not look at Kilo, and his back was tense and ramrod straight. “Asher,” Kilo said, not unkind, but with steel. “If this goes wrong…”

“It won't. If it does, I’ll never forgive myself,” Asher said, voice flat. “And there will be nothing left of me to forgive.” 

With that, he held the hand cannon in his palm and turned to face the anxious companion. “If you’d prefer, I can do this without you immediately present,” his voice thick and gruff. “You need only return when it’s done.” 

Kilo’s plates dipped, as if to nod, and started to fly toward the door. He stopped short, pausing to back to look at Asher, who was standing over Vesper with a stricken look. 

“She trusts you,” he said, voice modulated oddly. “She’s said so.” 

“Let’s hope her faith is not unfounded,” Asher responded. He sat down behind her, pulling her unconscious body into his arms. 

“Give me a moment,” he said absently, as he set his weapon down beside him and shifted her as gently as he could with his Vex arm. To Kilo, the arm looked alien and menacing as it rested against her chest. “It’s been an age since I’ve done this for anyone, even myself.” 

“I’d say take your time, but…” Kilo spun and turned away gratefully. “You know it works best if it’s quick. She always does it herself with a rocket launcher. Messy, but effective.” 

A beat, silence loud in their ears in mutual understanding of what was about to happen.

With that, he flew out the door and left Asher to his task. 

Once outside, the small companion robot floated aimlessly away from the door, idle and waiting. Down the hill, Charlie and Tam leaned against a rock outcropping, keeping a silent watch for interlopers. The silence over the Rupture stretched for what seemed like an eternity, and Kilo could do nothing but let the wind slip between his plates idly. 

The sound of the gunshot gave them all a start, making Kilo flinch. 

It felt like the whole planet held its breath until Kilo began to hear the familiar silvery sound that meant a guardian could be tethered back to life. He jerked forward, flying back through the doorway to where Vesper lay dead in Asher’s arms, and Kilo's plates exploded open in a rush of light. The spray of blood around Vesper began to shimmer and disappear, and the wound at the back of her skull vanished. 

After a moment, her brows furrowed as she took a deep inhale, her body arching forward with the effort.

Behind her, Asher was pale and shaking as he held Vesper at the waist. To Kilo, it looked as if Asher had pulled her lifeless body into his arms after the grisly business was complete. She had rested gently against his chest as a penance, regardless of what would have happened. Asher’s face had reflected a worry and guilt that mirrored the Ghost’s own. The sight had softened Kilo's thoughts, and he looked at the old warlock and forgave him a little. 


	4. Run as fast as you can, just to stay in place...

When Vesper’s eyes opened, she looked up to see Asher’s bright, blue eyes above hers, staring back at her. She felt dazed and she could sense Kilo hovering at their shoulders. The small robot was emitting a steady series of trills and beeps as he healed her. As he did, Vesper could feel a familiar sensation of fullness and vitality return, as if the light was filling up an empty cup.

She struggled for a moment to sit up, but Asher’s left arm held her against his chest as he steadied them with the Vex arm on their right.

“While you are physically able to do so, I would advise against any quick motions,” he said, voice shaky. “Given the circumstances, I don’t know how this particular resurrection will affect you, so please allow me to mollycoddle you for a moment.”

Between the light returning to her and the heat from Asher’s chest, she felt warm, as if she was in front of a firepit after climbing Felwinter Peak. “I don’t remember how I got here,” she said, her voice soft. Looking around the room, she noticed Charlie and Tam, lurking in the doorway, and she frowned. “I’m guessing it wasn’t a good trip.”

“No,” Charlie said, face naked with relief. “I’m afraid not.”

Asher sighed and sat up straight, bringing Vesper with him. “Let me make us a cup of tea and you can all discuss the whole, terrible thing.” He released her waist, letting his hand linger a moment too long before he stood. The action made something more than warm flared in Vesper’s gut as she sat upright. Her eyes followed Asher as he stood, and she missed the hurt look on Charlie’s face, carefully schooled into a smile for his friend.

Asher disappeared into the next room, leaving Vesper to get her bearings.

“Charlie?” Vesper said, calling out to her friend in the doorway. “Do I owe you a thank you or an apology?”

Charlie shook his head, holding his hand out for Tam, who disappeared into Charlie’s pocket space. “Maybe a little of both.” He gave a small, uncertain laugh, as he smiled at his friend. “I was in the neighborhood.”

Charlie’s voice was quiet, and despite his size, Vesper thought he looked strange and small as he lingered at the edge of the room. “Whatever happened, I was afraid for you, yeah? This kind of thing is always rough.”

Vesper’s smile fell a bit, and from the other room, the sounds of porcelain cups scraping each other stopped, letting the silence hang heavy. “Yeah,” she said, “I can see how you would be. It’s never fun.” She huffed, a tiny laugh making its way out, and the sounds of the kitchen returned.

“Asher did the dirty work, but…” Charlie stopped, looking over her shoulder, before crossing the room to hug her. Holding her tight, he whispered into her ear. “I’m so sorry, Vesper, I know I made it worse. But Asher said some things you would have wanted to hear. And don't tell him I said this, but he was right. I'm glad he knew what he was doing.”

Charlie gave her a tight squeeze before letting her go, leaning back and brushing a strand of hair away from her face. “You watch yourself. If you need to talk… find me when you get back to the Tower, ok?”

She nodded, and Charlie stepped back, retreating back to the doorway. “I’m going to get going,” he said in a boisterous voice, gesturing behind him out toward the Mesa with an artificial cheer. “Those Taken anomalies won’t close themselves.”

“I realize you’re being humorous,” Asher’s voice came from the bastardized kitchenette, “but scientifically, you are correct. I would advise haste.”

Charlie groaned, his false smile plummeting, and pulled his helmet on with clasps snapping into place with a click. “Asher, one of these days…” He mimed punching his hand, and Vesper rolled her eyes at the empty threat. “You and I are going to have words.”

“As demonstrated today, I imagine it will go very poorly for you, as I seem to recall that most of your conversations involve violence. I do not believe your vocabulary is up to the task.” Asher said without humor, standing in the doorway with two mismatched cups and a pot of tea.

With a long-suffering sigh, Charlie spun on his heel and walked out, leaving Vesper alone with Asher and Ghost.

Vesper hid a small smile behind her hand, even as she gave Asher her own disapproving look. Asher had the wherewithal to look embarrassed.

She held her own hand out for her Ghost. “Come on, Little guy, let’s get you in here safe and sound.” Kilo shook himself, plates twitching, and shivered as he vanished into Vesper’s pocket space. “It’s going to be ok now.”

**That’s what you always say,** he said, voice digitized in Vesper’s mind. ** I’m going start calling your bluff.** She felt him go dormant, and something like shame flared in her chest.

Asher set the cups down next to her, standing a bit out of the way until Kilo had disappeared. She sat in silence for a few minutes, as he moved around the small room, his motions agitated and distracted.

“It was the experiment, wasn’t it?” Vesper said finally. Her words brought Asher to a halt, and he finally sat down close to her hip. “After I left the test site, I took some time to think, at least as much as I was able…”

She laughed a bit to herself and put her hand at her neck, missing how his eyes trailed along the slender column in tandem with the motion of her fingers. “I meditated first, even though everything buzzed. I thought about it for a long time…

“I had decided that, besides to the data I collected, I was going to give you a strongly-worded piece of my mind about the whole thing.” She paused, trying to remember. “I did suspect that the experiment was causing whatever was happening, but I didn’t have a chance to tell you before I woke up in your arms.”

Asher stiffened, and she could feel the shift of his shoulders as they tensed. “Your data, while I will appreciate it, will be unnecessary, as the experiment will not be attempted again.” Asher said, with a note of finality. “It was an objective failure.”

He turned his head to look at the wall and stared at an invisible point in the distance. “If the artificial light can overtax a guardian at full strength, I cannot imagine what it would do to one that was not at full potential. I do not believe that these conditions will ever achieve the desired results.”

“We’ll find a way, Asher,” Vesper said, reaching out to lay her right hand on Asher’s left. His hand was cool and dry, and she laced her fingers with his. As she did, his head turned sharply to look at her. “Now that the Traveler’s awake, I know we will.”

“Not at this cost, my dear,” his fingers squeezing hers before letting go and pulling away.

Vesper was warm where he sat close, and still very tired. In the small space between them, it was so, so easy to lean and rest her head against his shoulder. Asher tensed, but remained still, and she held her breath, chest tight as the air between them started to charge.

She and Asher were on the edge of something, a balance of trust and confidence, the day’s death and resurrection a tipping point. In the silence, Vesper revisited of all the times she’d been here in this same room. Often, during the war and then after, she would sit with him as he went over tasks as large as destroying the Almighty to collecting Vex data cores.

She had always felt like Asher’s study was the one place where she was any other guardian, never special or any different from anyone else. But he _had_ treated her differently. He had allowed her in his space, had given her the chance to be his equal, and then his friend. She let out a heavy exhale at her good fortune, and she felt his shoulders relax.

Finally, Asher picked up his cup, taking a sip, and the relief she felt in that small movement was enormous. They were both quiet for a moment, the only sound the rattle of porcelain on stone.

In small, calculated motions, he shifted closer, giving her space to rest against his chest.

This… this was new and she tried to keep her heart from racing.

“After what happened, I’d prefer it if you didn’t venture back out tonight,” he said, voice staying low. “And I would like to keep you at hand for observation this evening. No one has examined a resurrection after this type of disconnection of the nuraliemma before. I suspect that there has been an excessive expenditure within the parasympathetic nervous system.”

With her head against his body, Vesper could hear his voice vibrate in the hollow of his chest.

“I’ll stay,” her voice soft. “I don’t want to go back to the Tower yet.” She sighed and closed her eyes.

This back and forth felt familiar. They’d done this dance of excuses many times before, and she felt as at home on Asher’s meager couch as she did in her own quarters in the tower. “I have this funny feeling that, now I’m not dead, Ikora will murder me.”

“Not likely,” Asher turned so his mouth was against her hair. “Ikora, I think, will hold her own guilt close as well. She had her own part to play.”

“Regardless,” Vesper leaned into him, closing her eyes and savoring the moment in case it never occurred again. “I would rather stay than go.” She pulled away finally and stood, holding her hand out to summon Kilo, even as she let out a long yawn and a sigh.

The ghost appeared in her hand and spun in slow, tired circles, the excitement of the day having taken its own toll on the tiny companion. “I think you’re going to be tired for a while,” he said, as he did a quick scan of Vesper’s torso. “For once, I agree with Asher. I’ve been monitoring your vitals while you’ve been resting. I’m still seeing some minor discrepancies in heart rate and in the myelin structures of your nerves. I'm thankful they’re correcting themselves as time goes on.”

Kilo floated back and forth, waiting for Vesper, who gave a quick nod and the robot disappeared.

She stretched and turned to Asher, whose eyes had lingered on her as she lifted her arms over her head. “If you’ll bring that blanket you’ve got, I’ll make myself comfortable in my usual spot.”

Asher frowned, his brow furrowing. “Under the circumstances, I suspect you will need to take my bed,” he said, missing the blush that colored Vesper’s cheeks. “I have too many experiments to review, as any results that might have recorded were ignored in favor of this fruitless endeavor. If you remain in this room, I will not guarantee that I will afford you the rest you need.”

He stood and walked back to the lab bench he had stood over earlier. He stacked a collection of journals and datapads in idle measures, and he pulled at the screen in the terminal he’d installed there. Vesper walked to stand behind him, standing on tiptoe to look over his shoulder at his current project. It looked to be an analysis of the machinaforming progress of the Vex in the Rupture. He began marking a topological map with any changes that had recently occurred. She started to reach for one of the datapads to help, except a yawn interrupted her movements, causing her to take a step back.

Without turning, Asher pointed at a small opening in the wall where she’d seen him retreat after many long nights of intellectual discourse. “Rest. If you insist on continuing to assist me after today, I am certain there will be more to do after you’ve recovered.”

Vesper lingered as long as she dared, but after a short time, retreated.

She found herself, for the first time, in Asher’s space, conscious of the small details that marked it as his own. A large stack of books were in the corner, one open on his desk and marked with a small piece of colorful cloth. Beside the open book was a stack of journals and loose notes, and all the pages looked filled with calculations and algorithms. She picked up the journal on top, careful not to disturb the stack, and began to flip through the pages.

She smiled at the small illustrations that filled the margins and empty spaces. Many were of familiar places on Io and in the old Tower before it was destroyed. There were portraits of Vex Goblins and figures of Hobgoblins, whipped tails curling over geometric figures, and hastily-scribbled notes that seemed to mark the daily progression of his condition.

She flipped to the back page and found the familiar landscape of the Pyramidion once more. But this time, she recognized herself in the foreground, perched atop the giant fossilized bones that framed his daily refuge. She ran her finger across the page, and smiled at the picture. She had no recollection of when he must have sketched this, and she was mesmerized at the detail she could see in the sketch. Asher had captured her face, so she must have felt safe enough to take off her helmet, wind whipping her hair as she brushed it away from her face. He had drawn her portrait with care and attention, and she set the journal down, feeling like she had stumbled into something private.

Turning from the desk, she sat down on the small bed, finding it soft under her fingers. Grateful for the small luxury, she smiled, holding out her hand to summon Kilo, who appeared again in a silvery spray of light. “Hey little guy,” she said, running a finger over one of its plates, and he shivered. “Did you get my things?”

A flash of the transmat, and her pack and journal appeared against the wall, as well as her weapons she’d brought with her to Io. She reached down to pick up her journal, but paused mid-motion, thinking better of it.

“Kilo?” she asked, and the small companion floated over, its optic window wide. “I… wanted to thank you.” She motioned for the small robot to sit in her lap, and he flew over, plates twitching in gratitude.

“You don’t need to thank me,” he said, giving her hand a small nudge. “I’m not happy about what happened, and I’d be lying if I said I was happy with Asher… but in the end, he helped me keep my promise. If there had been another way…” his voice trailed off in a series of sad trills. “I didn’t want to take the chance that you wouldn’t come back.”

Vesper nodded, and he flew up from her lap to nestle in the collar of her robe. She brought her knees up to her chest, somehow warmed by her Ghost’s presence. “I could have saved everyone this headache if I could have done it myself.”

Kilo flinched, the motion drawing it further into her collar. “I hate it when you do that.” His voice was full of hurt and frustration. “For some reason it’s always worse for me when you do it on your own. I know sometimes it’s the only way, but...” He settled and Vesper thought if she didn’t know better, she’d think the way his shell plates were arranged reminded her of a frown. “Is it terrible that I think it was good that Asher had to do it?”

“No,” she answered softly, but she knew that their reasons were different.

Above her, Kilo spun forward out of her robe and then flicked his shell, and she felt its request to retire for safekeeping. Obliging, she held her palm up, and in a shower of light, he vanished.

Alone in the silence, she leaned down and began to unlace her boots, pulling them off with a grunt and setting them against her pack. She tugged off her trousers and the long, thick armored robes she wore, and folded them carefully. Goosebumps rose on her skin as she moved around the room in her camisole and the undergarments she wore beneath her armor. The cool air made her shiver, and she shuffled into the bed, pulling the blanket over her. She was enveloped by the familiar scents of dust and phosphor and a heady, warm mix of spice that she associated with Asher. She pressed her face into the soft, woven cloth, inhaling deeply and closing her eyes. She slept almost instantly.


	5. Newton’s Third Law of Motion

Vesper awoke in darkness, heart racing. Her limbs were cold and heavy, and she had become tangled in the same blanket that she’d found so comforting earlier. Her mind raced back to her dreams, filled with visions of the Traveler and a vast emptiness that she could not cross.

A crash from the other room startled her, and she sat up, blanket shifting and falling off the bed in a rustle of fabric. She stood, heightened senses alert to danger, and she winced as her bare feet hit the chilled stone. She shivered and grabbed blindly for the thick robes she had worn earlier, throwing them on in haste as she fumbled, barefoot, in the darkness.

The awful din had that startled her awake coalesced into the sounds of one of Asher’s tantrums. She could hear his voice, agitated and ranting to himself. The sound of tempered glass bouncing on the floor made her wince. Moving as swiftly as she could in the darkness, she maneuvered the short, unfamiliar path between Asher’s room and his lab. She made no effort to be quiet, as the racket Asher made hid her footsteps.

Without thinking, she stepped out into the dark, and the sounds stopped flat, and she froze.

Asher was no longer at the lab table but had found the large chair he liked to occupy when he was reading. On the floor behind him, she could see test tubes of radiolaria that he knocked off the table. A shattered Vex orbital socket was in pieces after he had hurled it against the wall. He’d curled the mechanical hand into his chest, as he often did when he was frustrated or felt helpless, and his left was at his forehead, eyes downcast.

Vesper watched, her breath held, as he turned to look at her, his eyes hard and anguished “You’re awake,” he said, voice flat.

“I am.” She took a step closer. “I had a strange dream. It must have woken me up.”

When he shifted in the chair, she stopped.

Something in Asher's posture reminded her of a stag she’d seen in the deep European forests, still and fearful, yet imposing in his posture. She’d raced her speeder through the foliage, and the stag had bolted, flying across the forest floor as if she was hunting it.

Her nightstalker friend, Alyce-13, had told her later that if she had stood still and quiet, then the stag wouldn’t have turned tail and run.

And so Vesper remained quiet. She said a quick prayer to the Traveler that he wouldn’t move from this moment to one of a hundred other experiments he was running in the dark of the night. To her relief, he remained in the shadows, and Vesper could hear his breath huff and his motions creak in the chair as he adjusted his posture toward her.

“You should rest too, Asher. The world won’t end.” Her voice remained soft and calm.

“You don’t know that. Whatever calamity might eventually consume us all might be prevented by a single calculation. You know better than anyone what a single variable can do to a larger constant.” While his voice was mocking and cruel, he directed his words inward, and Vesper took no offense. She’d heard this before and let his self-deprecation fall flat.

When he failed to garner a reaction, Asher looked away to an invisible point in the distance. The dim light from the lamp in the corner played with the shadows on his face, making him look sad and terrifying. “It would be careless of me to assume your forgiveness. It wasn’t my intent for my trial today to cause harm to anyone. Least of all, you.” His voice was hoarse as he spoke, and he cleared his throat before he looked at her again.

“Is it hubris to think that in the pursuit of my inconsequential experiments, I will save or doom us all?”

Vesper shook her head, knowing he could see her despite the darkness, and whispered a soft, “no.” She held his gaze, pressing further into the dim room, footsteps soft against the floor. She could make out his eyes, which burned bright in the low light and made the hard planes of his jaw and cheekbones sharp in the shadows.

Her steps brought her into his space and tentatively, she reached out to put her hands on his shoulders. With gentle pressure, enough that he could deny her if he wanted, she drew his head to rest on her abdomen. For a long moment, the air was still, save for the sound of their breath.

“I’m not worried,” Vesper said, her hands cradling his head as his cheek rested against the soft, thick material of her robes. “You know as well as I that failure is a part of the process of discovery.”

Asher’s hand curled up and around her waist, drawing her closer and clinging to her as if to keep him afloat. “You should worry,” he said, sounding tired as the words vanished into the fabric. “I do not want you to become another casualty in my endeavors. I cannot stop my research, and I’m…” he stopped, words trailing off, and he cleared his throat again, words choked. “I’m comprised.”

Vesper pulled back but didn’t let go. “How so?” The question was a whisper as she stood in his grasp, and he remained silent, his only answer the curl of the mechanical fingers that came to rest on her side.

With that one touch, no matter what happened now… whatever had been shifting earlier had toppled, leaving her feeling as if standing on sand. The air around them was charged, and she felt her heart beat in a nervous cadence in her chest. She anchored her hands on his shoulders and looked at the top of his head as he rested his cheek against her belly. She wanted to run her fingers through his thick, white hair, unruly from hours of worrying at it. She waited, and her fingers pilled the soft suede of his robe, tempered with a long-worn resilience modification that made the texture deceptively smooth.

Finally, she gave in to the silence and ran a hand over his hair, and drew him closer. “I wanted to thank you,” she said, and he looked up at her, eyes sharp and narrow.

“What for? Abusing your trust as my assistant? Almost destroying your connection to the false machine god that tethers us to this existence? Insulting your friends? Or willfully murdering you?” His voice grew in volume as it shifted to a sort of insulted disbelief.

He stood, the motion sharp and sudden, and it reminded her how much larger he actually was in comparison. Where he normally slouched to make himself smaller to hide his condition, he now used his height to his advantage, gazing down his nose at her.

Startled, she froze again, matching his gaze and hoping she hadn’t agitated him.

After a moment’s silence, he sighed, and his posture sagged again. “I cannot imagine I’ve done anything today worth your gratitude.” He began to turn, withdrawing inward.

Before he could retreat, her hand shot out and grabbed the wrist of his Vex hand. He stilled and stared, eyes wide, at her fingers that had carefully curled around the metal.

It gave her an opportunity to pull him forward into her personal space. She drew him into an embrace, her arms wrapped around his chest so tightly she could feel the contours of his shoulder blades under her palms.

“I wanted to thank you for caring enough to be the one to do it,” she said, face pressed into his chest. “I’m glad it was you.” After a moment, she felt the tentative brush of his hand on her shoulder, the palm coming to rest at the base of her neck.

“I should never have had to." He breathed a sigh over the top of her head. “I regret that I was never good at remembering others, at least until it was too late.”

She pulled away and looked at him, her eyes searching his face in the dim light. She found a question, and she cocked her head, as if to give permission. Slowly, his hand slipped up her neck and tangled in her hair as the space between them grew smaller, and she clung to his shoulders as he kissed her.

The feeling of his lips on hers was soft, tentative, until suddenly, it wasn’t and a sharp intake of breath parted her lips. This was all the invitation he needed, crushing her to him in the strong grip of the Vex arm. The tension in the air and his tightly-wound control finally snapped. The violent press of his body against hers made the swirl of need and want turn in Vesper’s core as her mouth opened to his exploration. As he nipped at her lips, her hands crushed the soft, brown suede under her fingers, and she reveled in the feeling of the fabric over his muscle underneath.

After a moment, Vesper pulled away then leaned into his neck with her nose into his collar, taking a deep inhale when she found the first sliver of skin.

Asher shivered at her soft touch and whispered into her hair, “Vesper, I do not have the temperament to do this idly. I certainly haven’t been this close with anyone since I was…” he left the rest of the sentence unspoken, the words muffled as he pressed his face into her hair. “I am unpracticed at this type of intimacy, and you must tell me what you want.”

All she could do was breath him in like oxygen, the scents of smoke and dust, chemicals and metal chasing each other around him.

Her words were breathless whispers of air. “You. I want you.” Her lips pressed against his skin, small kisses in the curve where his neck met shoulder. “I want you to tell me you want me too…”

She was surprised at how uncertain she felt. She was afraid he’d retreat back to his lab to become a one-dimensional creature of science focused on discovery and data. He would deny his baser instincts and believe himself to be more intelligent and more beleaguered than everyone else around him. She was more afraid of the scientist than the monster he saw himself as.

Asher answered her with a humorless chuckle and looked down at her with unfettered heat. “Vesper, I can unequivocally say that I have wanted you since I first met you.” He leaned down to press his forehead against hers and rested his left hand at her collarbone. His fingers worried the embroidery on the button that secured her robes at the neck. “Understand, I am not a man of pleasantries and frivolity, and do not expect words of adoration and emotion. But rest assured, I intend to make the most of this opportunity.”

He pressed at the clasp until it released, and the thick fabric slipped off her shoulders and cascaded into pool at her feet as it slipped off her arms. Asher’s gaze raked over her, the heat of it making her blush and leaving her skin flushed and tight. Underneath, her curves were revealed, breasts and sex hidden by her undergarments. Otherwise, her body was a vast, pale expanse of violet skin. He ran his fingertips over her bare collarbone and she arched into his touch.

The feeling of him grazing her skin lit her on fire, and the air on her bare skin left her feeling unbalanced. Vesper resisted the temptation to cover herself from his scrutiny. Instead, she felt there should be equanimity in all things. She stepped back and looked at him for a brief moment, then rested her hands at his waist. Nimble fingers unclipped the the belt that held his robes closed and the sides fell open like the pages of a book.

Asher made a sound of protest and shifted in her grasp, and she felt him pull away. Vesper stilled, her gaze drawn to his face, searching for any hesitation. But he did not retreat this time; instead, he tugged at the soft leather on his own, pulling at the arm and tugging the chest until he could let the robes drop to the floor.

The sound made her laugh, a giddy, bubbling sound. Before he could protest, she pressed forward and pushed the black sheath he wore underneath his robe over his head. She trailed her palms over his ribs, and his permission to touch him freely made her feel like she was discovering treasures new and unexpected. She wanted to find every part of his body and mark and catalogue it, her mind racing to remember every inch as she ran her hands over his soft skin.

Beneath her palms, his chest was hard lines and smooth skin, save for the jagged join of man and machine at his shoulder. Asher was not a bulky man, but instead was lean and muscular, the body of a man who had forgotten he could still hold his own in a fight. Like many warlocks, his preference for books instead of weapons made him unassuming, but the solidly-built muscle under her fingertips told a different story.

She was struck by the intricate geometric patterns that marked so much of his vibrant blue skin, long-forgotten tattoos of his youth. She knew they were typical of many Awoken guardians, but were strange to see on him, each one a reminder of the years he had beyond her own rebirth. In comparison, Vesper’s skin was only a slightly more violet shade of blue than Asher’s, but it was smooth and unmarked. Her touch stilled as the designs mesmerized her for a moment, her gaze drawn by a perfect triangle that covered the swell of his bicep.

After a moment, Asher began to pull back. His movement startled Vesper and she looked up, confused. His eyes were dark and hurt, and she realized he mistook her stillness for something like pity.

“If you are uncertain, tell me now,” his voice thick and a little too harsh, and it made Vesper’s heart hurt. “I do not want you to do this out of some misplaced sense of duty. You owe me nothing.”

She shook her head to disagree. Her gaze was drawn back to his body, wanting to touch every inch of wonderful skin, even down to the place where the jagged edge of machine has been stitched. “They’re wonderful,” she said, her eyes traveling over the planes of his chest. “Beautiful even.” Her fingers traced the pattern on his upper arm, following the lines over his shoulder and down, further over his belly all the way to the v of his hips. “Someday, you’ll have to tell me about how you got them,” she said, measuring her words. She hesitated, stopping at the waistband, wanting to run her fingers into the dip of his hip bone, but afraid to go further.

His gaze softened, and his hand wrapped around hers and pressed it, palm flat, against his waist. “I will tell you anything, my dear, whatever you want.” His voice was a whisper, and Vesper let out a breath she didn’t know she had been holding, leaning up to kiss him again, digging her fingers into his hip.

“I want you,” she repeated, a mantra in time to the blood that pulsed in her ears, a reminder of what she’d said earlier to Kilo. “I want it to be you. I always want it to be you.”

Asher let out a growl that sent heat skittering down her spine. They fumbled for a moment, breath hot between them, before he found his footing. She felt herself led backward until Vesper’s shoulders hit the wall. She let out a small, breathless cry as he closed in on her, pressing the Vex hand above her against the wall. He found the smooth skin of her ribs under her camisole with his left, palm wide and soft on her skin. His thumb slid over the curve of her breast and the shock of it made her lips part, giving him freedom to ravish her mouth. He kissed her deeper, devouring her even as his touch was feather light, her nerves dancing with sensation and making her go weak at the knees.

After a moment, he shifted, the pause only long enough for an inhale of breath and then his lips and teeth were at her neck, tasting her skin. Her mind lost all focus and Vesper closed her eyes, reveling in the attention and making small, wordless noises, her body shaking with want.

After a moment, he paused again, and she made a small sound as his mouth left her skin. His hand remained on her chest, making small circles at her ribs, but the cool air found the wetness at her shoulders and she shivered. Opening her eyes, she was met with Asher’s dark and hungry gaze. His pupils were wide, blown so that she could hardly see the flare of his irises that burned like neon in the dark.

“Vesper, if this is too much, tell me to stop.” His voice was shaking and dark, the need he’d been holding back beginning to bubble beneath the surface. His knee found the apex of her thighs and pressed against her, making her cry out and buck her hips against him as he whispered words into her hair. “Traveler preserve me, I haven’t wanted anything else so badly in so long,” he said, breath hot as he leaned to press a kiss at the tender skin below her jaw. She arched into it, the kiss flaring heat in her core. “You deserve so much more than a broken old man. You have no idea how selfish I can be.” His voice was low and dark, reminding her of the brief, quiet moments when she would sit with him in the shadow of the Pyramdion, and he would tell her things about the Vex, his ghost, his regrets, his secrets... and she wondered how long she could have had this, how much time she’d lost.

The pulse of desire that ran through Vesper’s veins as he moved his palm across her ribs and down her spine made her crumble under him, wordless pleas of half-formed syllables his only answer.

He leaned back, and for the first time, pressed the tip of one of the thin, claw-like Vex digits to her chin, lifting it so she could look at his eyes once more. “If you let me, I will ruin you.” The words were like a net in the sea, tangling her in and drawing her forward, ensnaring her. The darkness in his words was only tempered by the wrecked look of pure, unbridled need that she could see on his face.

“Asher, please, I need this.” Her answer was lost in her ragged gasp as he slid his hand up, pushing the thin cotton covering her chest off and over her head. It left her bare, and he growled as he palmed the skin, sliding his thumb over the swell of her breast. The sensation overwhelmed her and left her limbs buzzing with electricity. Vesper reached out with her light and found Asher's and she could feel the popping, stuttering remains of his own light. Spots appeared behind her eyes where the cold, dark void reached out to greet her. His light sent her head spinning, stars dancing behind her eyelids as she struggled to keep up with him. She was drowning in him, arousal hot and twisting in her gut.

She bit at his lips, bruising them, and suddenly her mouth began to tingle. A surprised whimper escaped her lips, and it was followed by Asher’s humorless laugh. She pulled back, and he touched her lip with his Vex hand, the metal cold where the hand that was at her waist was warm. “Take care, my dear. The radiolaria can sting if you break the skin.”

There was dark desire undercut with guilt that colored his tone. She could sense that if she pulled back now, he would forgive her for any hurt she caused him. Making her decision, she leaned forward and kissed him with a deliberate, slow swipe of her tongue against his bottom lip. She reveled in the pop and fizz the microscopic machines in his bloodstream left behind. As she did, she felt his fingers curl and dig into her skin. After a second swipe, Vesper leaned back and gave him a look that would have started a wildfire.

“Don’t worry,” she said, “I won’t break.”

It appeared it was the right thing to say, because she could see a small flame of hope light behind his eyes. He considered her, leaning forward to nip at the skin next to her ear as the same cold, metal digit traced the column of her neck. It slid into the hollow of her throat, sending an unchecked shiver down her spine. She felt his breath hot against her throat as he whispered to her. “You say that now. A hypothesis I intend to test thoroughly.”

With a swift motion, he lifted her up, her arms grasping for his shoulders and wrapping her legs around his waist as she yelped in shock. Asher’s lips quirked in a rare half smile, and she pressed a soft kiss to his cheek near the upturn of his lips. She could feel the hard length of him against the backside of her thighs, and the sensation sent a wave of untamed heat into her core.

It was only a few steps back into his bedroom, and he traversed the familiar path with her in his arms more easily than she had traveled alone only a little while before. He set her down onto the edge of the small bed and stood back, leveling his gaze at her once more.

“You’re sure?” He asked, voice low and steady, and this question was not one of hesitance. Instead, it held a dark and even undertone of a promise of things that were to come, and she wanted everything it offered.

Her hands at his waist pulled him forward so she could place her lips at his navel. “Yes,” she answered. Her lips dipped down, and his hands clawed at her shoulders as she pressed a kiss at the small sliver of skin above the clasp of his trousers.

Asher made a desperate sound that went straight to Vesper’s center. He surged forward, crowding and pressing her back into his mattress. His hand caressed the soft skin of her stomach as it trailed down, reaching the curve of her hip, down to her inner thigh, until finally, his palm rested on the thin fabric covering the tender core between her legs. She bucked into it, and in return, she felt the strange sensation of the mechanical hand holding down her hips as she lay precariously on the edge of the bed.

“Stay still,” he said, voice rough as he came to rest on his heels in the space between her knees.

Nodding, she laid back on her elbows so she could watch him as he settled himself in the space between her thighs. She could sense the void, dark and icy hot, stretching out to meet her gaze.

“Good.” He knelt forward to rest his chin against her belly, his chest warm and solid on her lower abdomen. The heel of his palm pressed against her in small circles at her core, making her jolt. Her thin undershorts were no help, the cloth acting not so much as a barrier as it did an amplifier, broadcasting the sensation to the soft skin underneath. He punctuated each circle with a kiss to each inch of her belly in time with her ragged breath.

After a moment, he raised his head to look at her. “Lift your hips, my dear,” he commanded gently. She obliged, and he pulled her undergarments down and away, over her thighs and then her knees, ankles, and toes, tossing them aside and leaving her bare.

Vesper could see a strange look of intensity and focus behind his eyes as he gazed at her, as if she was another set of data for him to puzzle through. Enthralled by his every motion, she held herself sitting so she could watch him, even as the position made her shake with effort. When her shaking became too much, he stopped, and pressed the strange, metal hand down again on her abdomen.

“Vesper, be still for me.” The tone of command in his voice made her freeze. “I would advise you find a comfortable position,” he said, even as he ran his left palm up her inner thigh. She let herself fall backward and his voice was all that was left to anchor her. His fingertips lightly touched her entrance, testing how each motion made her breath hitch and gasp. She arched forward and shifted her hips and legs in immeasurable movements in tandem with the steady, measured strokes. Each time she did, the strange, alien hand kept a firm hold, keeping her steady.

Vesper wanted, needed more. The cry she made when he finally pressed a finger into her was more of a sob. The remnants of a “please” fell from her lips as he curled his finger up, making her hips buck. He set a persistent cadence against her walls as he kissed and nipped at the skin in the crease of her inner thigh.

His pace was slow and calculated, as if he was making a record of every sigh, every quiver of her legs, every arch of her back… tallying them up and finding a perfect equation of her personal pleasure. After what seemed like an age, he shifted, and she felt the press of his mouth against that same sensitive spot, soft and deliberate. The wet heat of it made her nerves dance, making her feel as if she was spiraling up into the heavens and among the stars.

His clever mouth occupied by his task, he took care to adjust his tempo as necessary in response to some unwritten formula. Vesper’s hands clawed at the sheets as his tongue found her center, and she writhed as he devoured her. Again, each time she could not contain her pleasure, she felt the press of his metal hand at her abdomen.

Her gasps turned to frustrated keens when, as his attentions brought her near her release, he stopped.

Asher moved away and shifted so he could see her face. “Are you close, my dear?” He asked, his palm resting on her cheek and brushing her sweat-damp hair from her forehead.

Vesper tipped her head back as she gasped, writhing and pressing her thighs together. “I was so close,” she panted into his palm, “Asher, please,” she begged, though she was unsure for what she asked.

“Not yet.” He said, considering her. “I want to see if you can hold on a little longer.” He kissed her then, and she could taste herself on his tongue, salty and warm. She moaned into his mouth and he drew back, eyes hooded.

“Stay.” The word echoed against the walls with a crack. She stilled, breath panting. He stood and pulled off his boots and leg armor, movements graceful from a hundred years of practice.

Setting his clothes aside, he was laid bare for her, and it took all her willpower not to reach out. She wanted to press the curve of her nose into the join of hip and thigh, run her hands over the sharp planes of his pelvis, follow the trail of hair over the softness at his belly to his erection. She wanted all this and more, and her fingers twitched, regardless of her self-restraint.

“Asher.” Her voice was a hoarse whisper in the dark. “Can I touch you?”

“Not yet.” He kneeled back down and kissed her again, silencing any protests. “Let me finish my study of you first.”

Vesper let out a whine of frustration as she lay back and hit her head against the bed in frustration. She was a hair’s breadth away from falling over the edge, and the effort of holding back was making her tremble. Behind her eyes, a storm was brewing, and the air charged with static, growing stronger as her control grew tenuous.

Sensing the disturbance in the air around him, the look in Asher’s eyes grew satisfied, clouded with his own need. He found his place on the bed above Vesper, settling between her legs and resting above her on his forearm, the Vex hand pressed against the mattress to hold him up. He looked at her strangely, like he was searching for something, and Vesper wanted to reach out to him, to touch him not only with her hands, but with her light.

As she did, she could sense that he was reaching for the void just beyond his grasp. She wanted to feel the dark, ultraviolet energy lit by the sparking, untamed electricity that she held. She arched back as she channeled her light, and through burning eyes, she let the arc energy roll over her like a thunderstorm.

Vesper felt Asher’s mouth on her shoulder, void burning cold on her skin, and then a sharp pain as he bit and sucked at her skin, the mark blooming up like an ever-expanding singularity. From there, the void blazed straight through to her core, pulsing through her as she grabbed Asher’s shoulders and pulled him toward her. She held on tightly, electricity pulsing in her palms as her hips pressed forward to meet him. She could feel him, heavy and wanting at her entrance.

Her cry of "please" came in tandem with the satisfaction of him sliding inside her. The feeling of fullness, of completeness, drove her energy inward, and the waves of pleasure as he began to move were overwhelming. She cried out, a wail of surprise and desperate, hungry need, as his hips snapped forward to match that same measured tempo he had found earlier.

She wrapped her legs around his waist and tried to match him, driving him further and deeper, her walls clenching, seeking what she’d wanted earlier.

His movements stuttered, erratic as he pressed his mouth again at the bruise he’d made, nipping at the tender spot. She arched up into him, and her hand drew up to curl her fingers into his hair as she urged on his attention. His focus shifted even as he found his pace again, sucking and biting at her neck, her jaw, her lips, unable to focus on any particular inch of her skin.

Between one instant to the next, Vesper fell over the edge. She cried out, the words “yes” and “more” lost in the wordless, rounded sounds that she made into his shoulder as her climax pulsed around him. It came in waves, her breath hitching and gasping into a single keening note. It became a charge of static that made the hair on the back of her neck stand on end as she scrambled to hold onto him and pull him closer.

She heard his quick gasp and a single cry as his release came on the back of hers. His hand clenched at her hip, hard enough to bruise, and she knew the echo of his palm would last until she was resurrected again.

In the moment after, she could feel his breath, shallow and hot, next to her ear. When she placed a hand at the nape of his neck, she could feel the rapid flutter of his pulse. The air in the room was calm in the way of a forest after a thunderstorm, silent and still, as if it was about to exhale.

She tilted her head back and found his eyes, her fingertips settling at his jaw. Again, there was a question behind his gaze, this one asking for something like forgiveness. She smiled at him, her eyes finding his, and he leaned into her palm. He stayed there for a moment, remaining joined with her, until the stillness became too much, and he had to shift, groaning as he rolled away.

The loss of his steady weight and warmth made her shiver, even as she felt the wetness between her legs, and she made a soft, exhausted noise of protest.

She could hear him knocking about in the dark for a moment, the sound of fabric rustling familiar in her ears. He returned to the small bed with a fresh blanket and arranged himself in the space behind her. After a moment of awkward fumbling, they navigated the space with loose limbs and apprehensive touches. She felt his arm curl around her waist and draw her back to him. His body fit behind hers like a glove, and she savored the feeling of warmth returning as he curled himself around her.

“Are you alright?” His question was a harsh whisper in her ear that echoed off the walls the low light. She wondered if the question meant _"Are you still certain?"_ , and she answered both.

“Yes,” she said, eyes heavy as she reveled in the warmth around her. “Are you?”

He cleared his throat behind her, and she could feel hesitation in his voice and in the tentative hold he had at her waist. “If you do not want anything beyond this manifestation of my intent, I do not require…”

She rolled over and pressed her mouth against his, the small muffled _“mmpfh”_ he made making her smile, and then gave him a sleepy, exasperated look. “I want _so much_ more.” She chuckled darkly as she pressed a kiss at his collarbone. “You didn’t even give me a chance to touch you.” Her arm snaked up and curled around his shoulder, and she rolled her hips against his with the promise of things to come.

A flash of heat flared in Asher’s gaze before it gutted, like the last flames in a dying fire. His own gaze was heavy with exhaustion, and Vesper leaned in and nestled down into his arms.

“If you can, sleep,” her words muffled by his chest, the warmth coaxing her down into slumber. “Everything will still be there in the morning.” She wondered if he knew what _everything_ meant.


	6. Wrapped up in you, saying hello feels like goodbye...

Vesper had held no expectations for Asher to be there when she woke up. 

Her dreams were unusually vivid, as if the previous day’s resurrection had removed whatever filter had been blurring the line between consciousness and dreams. She dreamt of the Traveler, who felt so very small, and giant Vex Hobgoblins, who felt enormous, towering over her with terrifying whipping, lashing tails. 

_ …. She felt as though she was halfway between something like reality and her dreams, as she wandered down corridors shaped like pyramids of black obsidian glass, and then felt warm sun on her face and grass under her feet. She stood at the edge of a great, vast void, and could see the figure of a warlock on the other side, but could not distinguish who it was. The ground beneath her shifted into red sand, and she slid and slipped with unsteady feet as she felt the ground beneath her shake. There was a warm, familiar voice that laughed but she could not see who it was… and for some reason, it made her cry as a deep, bodily sadness overcame her, and then it felt as if she was falling… _

Gasping, she started awake, with tears in her eyes. She let out a sob and was surprised to find a hand curling around her midsection, drawing her backwards.    


Asher’s breath was soft and warm at her neck as he kissed her shoulder, and her racing heart began to slow. After a moment, he shifted, his body tense and restless in his inaction, and he made small, soothing circles with his fingertips against the skin at her waist.

“Asher?” She whispered into the dim room, and he answered with a small noise of affirmation.

“Hmm. Clearly, your skills of observation are remedial,” he said, not unkindly. His voice was warm and raspy, sleep-rough but alert and awake. He paused, and then whispered low words onto her shoulder blades. “I did not want to leave you with the impression of any regret. However, now that you’re awake, I must tend to my experiments.” 

Vesper closed her eyes again, and made a noise of protest. Asher grumbled in return. 

“Understand that it is not lack of wanting to stay that directs my actions, but I am… not inclined to remain idle while there is an ever-growing abundance of work to do,” he said with a frown, and he began to extract himself from the bed, moving in the small space with a practiced ease. 

She couldn’t help but stare as he dressed, and as he slipped on each piece of clothing and armor, she felt as if she was now privy to a secret of how his walls were built. 

He turned his back to her, exposing how the arm was was stitched into his shoulder and how the Vex had cut ragged lines into his skin to do it. She could see how his chest was a map of twisting, linear scars, and she was struck by how much they mimicked the Vex architecture around them. As they transitioned from machine to man, there were ugly bruises and ragged veins of blue that stretched across his chest like lightning.    


It was a harsh reminder of his illness, and she wanted… needed… to press her palm flat against his chest to remind herself how little time she really had. 

She rolled into the warm place where he’d rested, feeling a dull ache and tightness in long-unused muscles, and stretched her arms over her head and arched her back. This motion pressed  her shoulders together and her breasts forward, and from the corner of her eye (and because she knew what to look for now), she saw the moment Asher noticed her movements. 

He paused, a bit dazed and half-dressed, as his eyes were drawn to the large, dark purple mark he had made at her collarbone. He leaned down and ran his thumb over the mark, grazing the tendons in her neck, and then kissed her.

“If you wish to stay in bed, you are my guest," he said, letting his words slide over her lips. "But as I said, there is still a myriad of computations and specimen collections to do. You are welcome to stay and help.” He stood again and, with little more than a turn of heel, he left her alone in his space once more. 

Vesper sat up in the cold air, and sighed, missing the scant heat he had provided. The dream was still at the forefront of her mind, and it ate at the feeling of satisfaction she had from Asher’s attentions. She felt frustrated and anxious, and though she tried to parse the vision into digestible bits, she understood nothing. 

After a moment, her melancholy was only deepened by the reproach she felt from Kilo. 

She could hear a digital trill as he made his presence known at the back of her mind. **I’m not saying this is a bad idea, but when Ikora asked you to keep an eye on Asher, I don’t think this is what she meant.**

Vesper pulled the blanket around her, and made a long-suffering noise at her Ghost. Holding out her palm, she brought her companion out and glared at him.

“ All I'm saying is sleeping with a man who put your life in danger was not high on my list of milestones this week.” Kilo whispered as he spun and beeped his disapproval. 

Vesper curled inward, trying to cover every inch of bare skin with the blanket as goosebumps rose on her arms. “I care about Asher. Despite what you think of him, even he deserves someone who will care for him,” she whispered back after a moment.

“Sure, every war hound has a mother.” Kilo said, and then trilled in remorse when Vesper winced. “Sorry. I just don’t want you to get hurt.”

“Getting hurt is literally in my job description,” she said, frowning at him as he flew over her shoulder. “We all need space to make mistakes.”

Kilo was silent, in a thoughtful pause, then dipped in the air as if to defer to Vesper’s choice. “If that’s what you want.”

Vesper huffed and flopped back onto the mattress, feeling a bit like a petulant child.

The Ghost spun around and hovered above Vesper’s head, trying to keep her attention. “In any case, there are a few messages for you that I intercepted while you were otherwise occupied last night. One from Alyce and one from Ikora.”

That got Vesper’s attention. “Alyce? What did she want?”

“All she sent was a picture of her making a rude gesture at a pile of Cabal and Vex corpses on Nessus. There's a note attached that says “Come destroy a Vex Mind with me?” Kilo flicked his plates as if rolling his eyes at the exo hunter’s terrible sense of humor.

Vesper made a frustrated noise and hit her head against the mattress a few times for good measure. “It never stops, does it?" There was no time for a lazy day in bed, nor any material collection. Duty called. "Send a message to Alyce... and one to Charlie to see if he wants to come too. I can meet them in the Cistern tomorrow. And check to see if Alyce said anything to Failsafe or Zavala - I need to know if they have access to the Vex network there.”

The Ghost beeped and obliged. “It will be a nice chance for us to get the fireteam together,” he said as he hovered, waiting for Vesper to continue.

She made a small noise of agreement. Zavala's name made her stomach clench, and she realized she was nervous to hear the message from her own Vanguard. Ikora would have heard what happened, if not from Charlie, than from one of her Hidden. 

Vesper sat in silence for a moment. From outside the room, she could hear Asher moving about in the lab area and picking up the shattered remains of his outburst. She wondered if Ikora knew about that too. She steeled herself, hoping her mentor was not too disappointed in her. “Kilo, what did Ikora say…” 

Her Ghost was silent as he pulled up the message, and then made a surprised series of beeps. “Here, let me play it back.”

Projected against the wall was a video message from Ikora, who looked cool and calm as always.

_ “My friend, I heard what happened after we last spoke. While I am sorry for the outcome of the experiment itself, I am thankful that you returned to us whole and relatively unscathed. Asher’s assessment was accurate. While his solution may have overreached in his authority as a field liaison, I respect his decision to proceed as he did. I know he would not put you in any intentional danger. Given his own personal history, I can understand why he no longer trusts the Vanguard.” _

_ On the recording, Ikora pressed a hand to her temple, a clear sign that she was nearing the end of her composure. “That said, I have sent Asher a separate message expressing my... disappointment, but I’m sure it will make little difference. He is his own man driven, who is driven by his singular purpose, and as a fellow Warlock, you know as well as I that we do not only serve the Light. Our path is to seek knowledge and understanding of the hidden mysteries that govern our tenuous existence. That same call is in him too. I do think your friendship with Asher may lead to some very unexpected things, and please keep me updated on his progress.” _

Ikora looked as if she was about to disconnect, and then paused, leaving a long silence on the recording filled with a white noise that somehow made Vesper’s heart clench and a lump form in her throat.

_ “Vesper… I wanted to tell you how proud of you I am. In the short time since your rebirth, you have been one of my brightest students, and I see much of myself in you. The path you walk has always been a dangerous one. While I do not want to see you hurt, whether that be by friend or foe alike, I also know that that it’s not my place to tell you how to tend to your own heart.” Ikora sighed and continued softly. “In recent days, I have wished for a friendly ear for me to burden with my own fears and heartaches. My own mentor did not have a temperament for emotional support, and so I know how alone it can feel when faced with your unimaginable burden of responsibility. The Traveler’s gifts are not just those of light; one of those gifts are the ties that bind us guardians together. I hope that when the time comes, I will be here for you in the way that you need. Please find me the next time you are in the tower, and we can discuss what happened yesterday.” _

The recording clicked off, and a Vesper sniffed and rubbed at her eyes and face, trying to erase any evidence of stray tears.

Kilo floated over to her shoulder, giving it a nudge. “You want to head back?” He said, voice low. “I can bring the ship around so you can transmat up from the landing zone outside.”

Vesper nodded, feeling strangely homesick all of a sudden. “I need to say goodbye first.”   


She wrapped the blanket around her shoulders as she softly made her way into the main space. Finding her robes neatly folded on Asher’s chair, she slipped them back over her shoulders, dropping the blanket over the chair. Boots and gloves were next, and as she pulled them on, she could see Asher out of the corner of her eye sitting at his workbench, completely focused on his most immediate task.

“Asher?” She called out to him and hoped he wouldn’t mind the interruption. From his workbench, he made a vague noise of acknowledgement but didn’t look up.

Vesper walked up behind him and put her chin on his shoulder. He made another sound of something like annoyance, but she enjoyed the way he didn’t flinch when she touched him now. On the table was a Vex Harpy, and he was removing each of its metal tentacles. As he continued working, she could feel the shift of his shoulders under her chin as he twisted each filament off its hinge, gently pulling it out and laying it on the table.

“I’m leaving for the tower,” she said, and Asher shifted so he could turn and look at her. “Ikora’s sent word she wants a report, and I’m going Vex hunting with Alyce tomorrow.”

He put his tools down and looked her up and down, then took her hands in his. “Hmph. When you return,” he said, drawing her forward, “Bring me any samples of the radiolarian remains from Nessus you might be able to collect. I am determined that my next experiment will yield a way to destroy Brakion, and any additional data from other conversion points that you may be able to collect will be crucial to its success.”

“You big softie,” she said, kissing his cheek. “I see how it is. I’m still just your assistant at your beck and whim.”

Asher gave her a flat, humorless look in return.

She started to turn to leave, but Asher kept his grip on Vesper’s hand and pulled her back, bringing her back into his personal space. He brushed a loose strand of hair away from her forehead, echoing the same gesture he’d made the night before. “My dear, I have endless calculations to review, and you are needed at the Tower. I will admit an impractical desire for you to stay, but understand it is under duress,” he said, kissing her, his touch light, “but… thank you. Today is…. easier.”

Before she could lose herself in the moment, he pulled away too soon, turning back to the tangle of wires and metal on the table with color high on his cheeks.

His motion was a dismissal as much as an unspoken concession to her responsibilities, and Vesper trailed her hand along his shoulders as she left. When her fingers met air, whatever spell she’d spun in her mind was broken. She stepped out of Asher’s space into the frigid air of the Rupture and walked down the hill to the transmat zone, feeling only slightly more prepared for whatever challenge she met next. Leaving was inevitable, and she was loathe to disturb this new and fragile intimacy they’d created from the chaos of yesterday. It could end in failure…. and would end in heartbreak… But it felt right.


End file.
